Bananas on my desk are ripening too fast,
why dont they ripen consecutively
so I could eat the greenest last?

I bought a bunch of grapes
and named them individually,
I don’t get too attached though
– that would just be silly.

I never fill my fruit bowl,
I just don’t see the need.
Unless I’m eating grapes of course –
its where i spit the seeds.

I’d never eat a plum nor kiwi, fig and date.
But if a pineapple knocked on my door
I’d smash his prickly face in.
He’s the one I really hate.

Have you seen the way that peaches smile,
all smug and superior?
Imagine if they didn’t smile,
that would be much eerier.

I was mocked once by a lemon
when I used a bottle of Jif,
but I had the last laugh —
I peeled him just to take the pith.

Oranges are the politest fruit,
well mannered and kind.
They’re even great
when you have to grate them
for their rind.

What’s sexier? – to tango with a mango
or get passionate with a passionfruit?
I’m not sure but I once played gooseberry
when a cherry popped a melon up the shute.

Rhubarb, rhubarb
you’re so nice inside a pie,
but when I use you to stir my tea
you always poke me in the eye.
A carrot is not a fruit
but you can bake it in a cake
and it helps you to see in the dark
(if you’re still awake).

I can’t remember all their names
but there are so many types of berry.
I tried to write them down once
though this was unnecessary.

I tangoed with a mango
and marvelled at a guava
but the fruitiest of them all
was a seedy lil’ tomat’a

I’m currant-ly raisin’ a sultana
who’s father ran off with a banana.
When she looked at me she said
you’re not my papaya!?